BOFH Archives

The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation

0. Intro
1. An ugly saga of burning ambition and bootleg liquor, welcome to the BOFH's Christmas past...
2. The BOFH and PFY show there is still a place for love and compassion in the world of network management...
3. Chaos reigns at the office and a visitor from the past is impressed by modern standards of bastardly behaviour...
4. The head's mid-life crisis and how a career in modelling leads to an executive position...
5. The boss is on the track of two mysterious contractors, C. Omputer and R. Amchip, but the BOFH is on the case...
6. When the BOFH suggests a team-building event, on his own time, there has to be some devilry brewing...
7. There's stocktaking to be done and awkward questions to be answered. But the BOFH stays cool as things get hot...
8. The helldesk has got a bit too big for its boots, but the BOFH has a cunning plan to knock them down to size...
9. Shape up or face budget cuts, what will the BOFH do? Enlist the help of an ice cream and some digging gear...
10. The users are away from the office and — shock horror — the BOFH and PFY miss them. Surely this can't be right...
11. While the PFY is busy with his Tunnel-Monkey work, the BOFH is sorting out the e-mail system and diverting complaints to sex lines...
12. The company architect's presence in the building creates an air of expectancy and pushes the BOFH into a bit of bastardly trickery...
13. The BOFH and PFY are hurt when they're left out of the games day, but it's nothing that a mallet and a spot of violence can't take care of...
14. A US buyout results in a visit stateside, a lesson in the zen of lift shafts and plenty of new kit... all expensives paid
15. Translating engineer excuses into non-fiction can be a difficult task, but nothing is too tough for The Bastard Bible...
16. When the boss and the PFY both suffer from acute computer 'acronym dependence', it's time to visit Harley Street to play in the traffic ...
17. The PFY is displaying distressing signs of geekism, beer-bottle glasses and the first growth of a wispy beard, can he be saved?
18. The BOFH explains his new 'Management Stack Theory' to the PFY, who seems to take it all with a pinch of salt, until the boss walks in...
19. The LAGERS invoice should have gone through smoothly, but a turncoat beancounter and a computing audit get in the way...
20. There's nothing the BOFH likes more than a contractor still wet behind the ears. But even he thinks it's time to show pity when the boss hatches his latest mad scheme...
21. There's nothing the BOFH and PFY love more than a challenge, except for violence. And the boss's devious plan calls for quite a bit of the latter...
22. The game's the thing by which to humiliate the Boss but it serves him right for getting the Head of IT1s fancy woman to do the shopping... war and peace as usual
23. The millennium bomb has nothing on BOFH's boss who, on the strength of just one pint, manages to blow BOFH's cover sky high...
24. A newcomer named Sharon, a safety retrofit and a GPS transmitter leaves the BOFH on course for sipping tequila in the sun...
25. To escape the boredom of routine, the BOFH volunteers to man the Helldesk. But does he still have his special touch with the users?
26. Will the BOFH use Roboboss again in this year's gladiatorial clash with the R&D boys? Or will the Mutant Floor Polisher win the demo-derby?
27. While the PFY's holding a torch for Carole, someone is putting a torch to the Welsh office. But nothing compares with the Master Plan...
28. The BOFH and PFY attend a 'bored' meeting, everyone gets bladdered and the boss gets to 'chair' an assembly of overheated shareholders...
29. When the building is repainted in the lurid colour scheme of 'Teletubby Land', there is only one way to restore it to its former grey glory...
30. Does the BOFH know anything about the disappearance of the telecomms manager, his lawnmower and the wife he's 'grass-widowed'?
31. The BOFH steps in to help with a staff identity crisis, and the PFY drives a wedge between systems maintenance and the boss
32. When does saying less mean making more? When the boss suggests adding needless desktop capacity and you're renting out any going spare.
33. Hypochondria in the office is all the rage. In fact, rage is all the rage. But when a psychiatrist is called in it's only a means to an end...
34. The BOFH is fazed by the remote working boom — but not for long. He and the PFY find more devious ways to keep the Operations beer fund topped up.
35. The Operations room is lit up like a set of traffic lights when the head beancounter asks the BOFH and the PFY to account for their time...
36. One wager and a lager frenzy later, the BOFH is feeling somewhat worse for wear after messing with the teatime continuum
37. A bluff report may fool auditors that the company is running smoothly but try telling a hospitalised boss why safety procedures have been ignored
38. A bogus computer range may con the propeller heads in polyester but not the clever BOFH who has a nasty sabotage surprise waiting in his pocket
39. You won't believe what's been going on the Boss's credit card...and it's not just the BOFH who thinks that'll do nicely — he's got a new flexible friend...
40. The eye on the wall has seen all, so it's time for desperate measures to cover up the half measures of sherry left in the boardroom decanters...
41. A fellow bastard in Wales who doesn't have cable TV turns out to be the ideal excuse for procuring some extra bandwidth
42. When the BOFH signs up for company therapy sessions, he wants to freely associate about problems. But whose? Blackmail's in the air...
43. When you need a few spares, why not depth-charge your boss' Minesweeper game and use the replacement parts to leave him shell-shocked
44. After complaints about his 'comforting bass line', the bastard makes sure the boss gets the message... very loud and clear
45. Someone has lifted some kit from under the BOFH's nose. Is it the boss? Is it the beancounters? No. There's a new Bastard in town.
46. When the BOFH bugged the boss's office he wasn't to know the kit he'd installed would double up as a vehicle to crack the head beancounter's nut
47. Web-only Episode: Christmas Eve, 1998