BOFH Archives

Index

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z

...The Bastard Celebrates Christmas 95... — The Bastard REALLY is Back
A ^ Top
A bluff report may fool auditors that the company is running smoothly but try telling a hospitalised boss why safety procedures have been ignored — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
A bogus computer range may con the propeller heads in polyester but not the clever BOFH who has a nasty sabotage surprise waiting in his pocket — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
A fellow bastard in Wales who doesn't have cable TV turns out to be the ideal excuse for procuring some extra bandwidth — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
A heated exchange with the boss over air-conditioning raises temperatures all round ... — The 1996 Vintage
A little sabotage is in the offing as the BOFH scuppers the systems department and the boss ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
A newcomer named Sharon, a safety retrofit and a GPS transmitter leaves the BOFH on course for sipping tequila in the sun... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
A pay rise in his pocket, and an admiring pimply-faced-youth looking, the BOFH plays safe ... — The 1996 Vintage
A run-in with the company cafeteria leaves the BOFH porcelain bound and the boss regretting an onion bhaji ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
A US buyout results in a visit stateside, a lesson in the zen of lift shafts and plenty of new kit... all expensives paid — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
After complaints about his 'comforting bass line', the bastard makes sure the boss gets the message... very loud and clear — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
An ugly saga of burning ambition and bootleg liquor, welcome to the BOFH's Christmas past... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
As encryption is forced on the Bastard, he plots to give the Boss more of a shock than ever ... — The 1996 Vintage
As far as the BOFH's concerned, the season of goodwill doesn't run to the systems men. Quite the opposite in fact ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
As the BOFH explains, dummies don't grow on trees, it takes years of training ... — The 1996 Vintage
As the boss gets in a twist about Cat 5 cables, the BOFH bides his time to unravel the mess ... — The 1996 Vintage
B ^ Top
Battle vibes pulsate as beancounter central takes vehement action against the network lads ... — The 1996 Vintage
BOFH and the Boss' space problems — The first real Bastard articles
C ^ Top
Chaos reigns at the office and a visitor from the past is impressed by modern standards of bastardly behaviour... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
D ^ Top
Does the BOFH know anything about the disappearance of the telecomms manager, his lawnmower and the wife he's 'grass-widowed'? — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
E ^ Top
Ever tempted to play computer games at work? The BOFH sets out to spoil all the fun ... — The 1996 Vintage
F ^ Top
Fear of a compulsory team-building weekend spurs the BOFH into his own style of teamwork ... — The 1996 Vintage
H ^ Top
Hungover, roped in to cover the Helldesk — if he wasn't the Bastard, this could be a bad day ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Hypochondria in the office is all the rage. In fact, rage is all the rage. But when a psychiatrist is called in it's only a means to an end... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
I ^ Top
In the aftermath of the trade show the PFY is forced to dip into the favour bank ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Infiltration of the e-mail system provokes the BOFH to adulterate the Yellow Pages ... — The 1996 Vintage
Intro — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Intro — The 1996 Vintage
Intro — The 1995 Vintage
Intro — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Intro to Part II — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Intro to Part II — The 1996 Vintage
It looks as though the Bastard has overreached himself, but the PFY comes to the rescue with a cunning plan ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
It really hits the fan as the tables turn inside the walls of Computer Central ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
It's show time, folks, and the Bastard goes along to do some, err ... research on the latest kit ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
It's the sweet smell of success for the Bastard Operator as he wins the day in France ... — The 1996 Vintage
J ^ Top
Just how do you get round that tricky visit from the auditors? The BOFH has a few ideas ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
L ^ Top
Local culinary delights with the Bastard lead to the rapid disappearance of the latest recruit ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Looking for new challenges, or just more dosh, the BOFH risks it all in the agency shark pool ... — The 1996 Vintage
M ^ Top
Members of the new stripy shirt brigade are full of beans and raring to go ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Money is exchanged as the Bastard engages in some very underhand practices ... — The 1996 Vintage
N ^ Top
Not quite the smell of Napalm in the morning, but a burnt server gets things off to a good start ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
O ^ Top
One wager and a lager frenzy later, the BOFH is feeling somewhat worse for wear after messing with the teatime continuum — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
P ^ Top
Point scoring over network equipment blunders sees the PFY battling it out with the BOFH ... — The 1996 Vintage
R ^ Top
Rule one of setting up a network: don't let the boss use his 'initiative' and set one up himself ... — The 1996 Vintage
S ^ Top
Several months of beer swigging has left the Bastard feeling a tad run-down, so he takes a trip out of town ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Shape up or face budget cuts, what will the BOFH do? Enlist the help of an ice cream and some digging gear... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Smooooth BOFH FAQ as of Y2K1 — Bastard FAQ
Someone has lifted some kit from under the BOFH's nose. Is it the boss? Is it the beancounters? No. There's a new Bastard in town. — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Someone's found out where the 'liberated' phones go. Better dial 'B' for Bastard ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Striped Irregular Bucket #1 — The Bastard Prehistory
Striped Irregular Bucket #2 — The Bastard Prehistory
Striped Irregular Bucket #3 — In the Confessional — The Bastard Prehistory
Striped Irregular Bucket #4 — The Bastard Prehistory
Striped Irregular Bucket #5 — Birth of BOFH — The Bastard Prehistory
T ^ Top
T H E B A S T A R D O P E R A T O R F R O M H E L L ! ! ! — The Bastard REALLY is Back
The Bastard and his pimply sidekick spread their network of misery across the land ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard and partner take revenge for stolen comms space ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard blasts the confidence of the most well meaning souls ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard brings his boss crashing down with a little bribe ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard counts on the fact that managers never remember ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard dislikes his boss's use of foul language ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard educates a PFY ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard establishes his territorial boundaries ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard experiences his very own Black Wednesday ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard finds a new use for an electric wheelchair ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard finds there are 'mistakes in training' and 'training in mistakes' ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard gets his retaliation in first ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard gets non-PC — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard gives a helpless salesman a run for his money ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard gives advice ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard Goes to the Trade Show! — The Bastard REALLY is Back
The Bastard has an appraisal meeting ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard involves himself with the CEO's pet project ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard kicks in the New Year with a few sex aids ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard maintains his level of bad taste and seeks sweet revenge ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard makes sure everyone else feels the heat ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard meets an unexpected guest — the opposition's BOFH ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard meets his match, but keeps a hold ... just ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard negotiates around 'budget constraints'... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard on a devilish buying mission ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard Operator from Britain — The Bastard Operator from Britain
The Bastard Operator from Britain — The Bastard Operator from Britain
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator from Hell — The first real Bastard articles
The Bastard Operator From Hell and the Paintball session ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The Bastard Operator from Hell is back ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard Operator From Hell is off to the movies, thanks to the marvellous advances in everyday technology ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The Bastard puts a price tag on user access after a particularly annoying request ... — The 1996 Vintage
— The 1997 Special Limited Release
T ^ Top
The Bastard puts in a day on the helpdesk ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard senses something fishy and casts his net ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard sets about averting a company takeover bid ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard sings tunes to melt his boss's ears ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard spreads peace and good will among colleagues ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard suffers from some temporary telephone trouble ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard System Manager From Hell — The Bastard System Manager From Hell
The Bastard System Manager From Hell — The Bastard System Manager From Hell
The Bastard trips up ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard verges on the edge of insanity but the PFY steps in ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard won't stand for interference with his printing systems ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard won't stand for poseurs in posh cars ... — The 1996 Vintage
The Bastard wreaks his terrible revenge ... — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard wreaks his terrible revenge ... — continued — The 1995 Vintage
The Bastard's Still About — The Bastard REALLY is Back
The Bastard's writing regresses to childlike scrawls as he attempts some artistic expenses ... — The 1996 Vintage
The BOFH and PFY are hurt when they're left out of the games day, but it's nothing that a mallet and a spot of violence can't take care of... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The BOFH and PFY attend a 'bored' meeting, everyone gets bladdered and the boss gets to 'chair' an assembly of overheated shareholders... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The BOFH and PFY go on some site visits ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH and PFY help sort out a rival's PSIC problems ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH and PFY show there is still a place for love and compassion in the world of network management... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The BOFH becomes a contract killer as he undoes some damage caused by the boss ... — The 1996 Vintage
The BOFH comes face to face with the ultimate in office bureaucracy. And he just won't wear it ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH explains his new 'Management Stack Theory' to the PFY, who seems to take it all with a pinch of salt, until the boss walks in... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The BOFH goes on a trade show outing ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH is fazed by the remote working boom — but not for long. He and the PFY find more devious ways to keep the Operations beer fund topped up. — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The BOFH is given lessons in how to be a shiny happy IT manager. And he can't wait to start ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH is in trouble for not turning up to his training course ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH steps in to help with a staff identity crisis, and the PFY drives a wedge between systems maintenance and the boss — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The BOFH wins an award from his peer group ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The BOFH's in the mood for a little light fraud, but how to get rid of the boss? Easy-peasy ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The boss cooks his goose with a dodgy microwave dish ... so the Bastard simply out-manoeuvres him yet again ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The boss has been 'encouraged' to relocate to Tonga, but his replacement is a nightmare. It's time to get serious ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The boss is on the track of two mysterious contractors, C. Omputer and R. Amchip, but the BOFH is on the case... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The boss tries to oust the BOFH and the PFY again. Enter George, some lager, a shredder and several PFYs to-be ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The chief bean counter has a half-baked plan to oust the Bastard and his sidekick. What a very foolish thing to attempt ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The company architect's presence in the building creates an air of expectancy and pushes the BOFH into a bit of bastardly trickery... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The disaster recovery budget proves to be a sore point, until the BOFH and PFY stage a little one of their own ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The eye on the wall has seen all, so it's time for desperate measures to cover up the half measures of sherry left in the boardroom decanters... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The failings of a clever new purchasing system brings out the Bastard's hitherto repressed vindictive side ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The game's the thing by which to humiliate the Boss but it serves him right for getting the Head of IT1s fancy woman to do the shopping... war and peace as usual — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The head's mid-life crisis and how a career in modelling leads to an executive position... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The helldesk has got a bit too big for its boots, but the BOFH has a cunning plan to knock them down to size... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The LAGERS invoice should have gone through smoothly, but a turncoat beancounter and a computing audit get in the way... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The LAST Bastard Operator from Hell! — The Bastard REALLY is Back
The millennium bomb has nothing on BOFH's boss who, on the strength of just one pint, manages to blow BOFH's cover sky high... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The new boss discovers that sometimes learning can be painful, especially when the BOFH is your teacher ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The Operations room is lit up like a set of traffic lights when the head beancounter asks the BOFH and the PFY to account for their time... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The PFY has accumulated a number of complaints in his new role — and it's up to the Bastard to sort him out ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The PFY is displaying distressing signs of geekism, beer-bottle glasses and the first growth of a wispy beard, can he be saved? — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
The PFY is hardly the life and soul. Would you be if you had to endure a visit from slime central? — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The PFY scores top marks in the all important 'how to be a Bastard Operator From Hell' test ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The Revised, King James Prehistory of B.O.F.H — The Bastard Prehistory
The scent of restructuring is in the air, as the BOFH advises a little CD scratching to remove viruses ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
The South of France beckons for the BOFH under the guise of 'Network Professional of the Year' ... — The 1996 Vintage
The users are away from the office and — shock horror — the BOFH and PFY miss them. Surely this can't be right... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
There's nothing the BOFH and PFY love more than a challenge, except for violence. And the boss's devious plan calls for quite a bit of the latter... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
There's nothing the BOFH likes more than a contractor still wet behind the ears. But even he thinks it's time to show pity when the boss hatches his latest mad scheme... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
There's stocktaking to be done and awkward questions to be answered. But the BOFH stays cool as things get hot... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
To escape the boredom of routine, the BOFH volunteers to man the Helldesk. But does he still have his special touch with the users? — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Trains, planes and the dreaded laptop spotter — the BOFH brings the anoraks back to earth. ... — The 1996 Vintage
Translating engineer excuses into non-fiction can be a difficult task, but nothing is too tough for The Bastard Bible... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
W ^ Top
Web-only Episode: Christmas Eve, 1998 — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When does saying less mean making more? When the boss suggests adding needless desktop capacity and you're renting out any going spare. — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When the BOFH bugged the boss's office he wasn't to know the kit he'd installed would double up as a vehicle to crack the head beancounter's nut — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When the BOFH signs up for company therapy sessions, he wants to freely associate about problems. But whose? Blackmail's in the air... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When the BOFH suggests a team-building event, on his own time, there has to be some devilry brewing... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When the boss and the PFY both suffer from acute computer 'acronym dependence', it's time to visit Harley Street to play in the traffic ... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When the boss tries to out-bastard the Bastard it's time to bring on Plan A, sit back, and enjoy the fireworks ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
When the building is repainted in the lurid colour scheme of 'Teletubby Land', there is only one way to restore it to its former grey glory... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
When the PFY shows compassion to a user, the BOFH suspects a Mid-Job Crisis and takes emergency action ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
When you need a few spares, why not depth-charge your boss' Minesweeper game and use the replacement parts to leave him shell-shocked — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Where do you find a new pimply-faced-youth when you want one? It's a challenge, but ... — The 1996 Vintage
While the Bastard's away, his replacement sees a career opportunity — forcing the PFY to deploy shock tactics ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
While the PFY is busy with his Tunnel-Monkey work, the BOFH is sorting out the e-mail system and diverting complaints to sex lines... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
While the PFY's holding a torch for Carole, someone is putting a torch to the Welsh office. But nothing compares with the Master Plan... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Who said management was easy? Still, there's nothing that can't be sorted out with an axe ... — The 1997 Special Limited Release
Will the BOFH use Roboboss again in this year's gladiatorial clash with the R&D boys? Or will the Mutant Floor Polisher win the demo-derby? — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation
Y ^ Top
You won't believe what's been going on the Boss's credit card...and it's not just the BOFH who thinks that'll do nicely — he's got a new flexible friend... — The 1998 Star Trek Enhanced Compilation

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